It is in every politician’s job description: Must be able to put favorable spin on even the worst disasters. Here in Thailand like elsewhere in the world we have become painfully accustomed to the economic data barely reflecting our personal experiences while when tourist businesses are suffering the latest airport arrivals are said to be up fifty percent!

But you have to admit it; some of the Thai officials – whether politicians or police – have got some balls. Some of the things they come out with are more than spin – they would make Chubby Checker’s twist look like straight talking.

Despite some forum posters who claim there is ample evidence to the contrary, the Thai people are no mugs. Perhaps they don’t kick up enough fuss ever wary of laws that could see them deprived of their liberty for upwards of fifty years for speaking their mind. That’s my only mild criticism.

Leading the way in the spin stakes this week were the folks over at tourism and sports. Despite anecdotal reports that tourism is in a shaky spot – and despite obvious reasons Koh Samed showed that this week – we were treated to fabulous new initiatives to inspire tourists from no less than nineteen new countries who would have visa fees waived.

However, those countries, undoubtedly with a close spin watch on quality tourism, included the likes of, wait for it….Bulgaria. Now Rooster means no disrespect to the Bulgars, some of my best friends are from Sofia. It’s just that when the UK opened its borders to all and sundry the first thing that happened was the London Underground was full of beggars from eastern Europe touting for 50p pieces.

I was wondering if the same thing was going to happen in the tunnels of the MRT in Bangkok. Perhaps Khun Kobkarn would go down there to welcome the new arrivals in a photo opportunity.

Free panhandles anyone?

Her own particular spin along with the TAT somehow managed to conjure up a 350,000 increase in tourist arrivals due to the visa waiver. And this was going to generate 28 billion baht. At the risk of upsetting the elegant minister especially after her anti sex tirade, the tourist figures seem to be as up and down as the proverbial whore’s draws.

Anyway, it all made perfect sense – we are saved. No need for an independent review – why would we lie to you!

Meanwhile a survey caught my attention especially as it referred to that old chestnut of police reform. Apparently 30 per cent of the respondents thought it unnecessary at the moment. What! The Thai public are not 99% behind this?

Intrigued I read on to discover that the survey was of police officers themselves. I was doubly incredulous – firstly with the spin of the story – then with the thought that one would have expected the figure to be 1% after all!

As my favorite forum commenter of the week, Grumbleweed, put it: “In another survey 100% of foxes said they should not be forced to turn vegetarian”.

Also “Spinning for Thailand” was deputy PM Prawit who said that national elections would be held next year…great….unless there is a “risk of damage” to the country. Oh, I get it, if we stand a chance of getting people you don’t like we won’t get an election. Genius!

They should have tried that in America, could have saved a helluva lot of trouble.

But it has to be said that this week it was not just the authorities being economical with the truth. Over in Samed itself the tourism operators attended an angry meeting at the Park HQ to claim that there was absolutely no mafia on the island.

Coming from jetski operators and the like one had a smidgeon of belief that economic interest might have been behind that statement. The national park chief was asked to name names. Fortunately he didn’t try…..they might have been there all day.

I was left to surmise that somehow the word mafia in Thailand has got corrupted into another meaning along the lines of truth and honesty. There can be no other explanation. Next we will be told that Pattaya is run according to the law of the land or that the taxis drivers in Phuket are to all get awards for being fair to their customers.

No spin at all was put on the saddest event of the week – the bus crash in Uttaradit that needlessly claimed 18 lives. Rather like a rat leaving a sinking ship the driver managed to bail out leaving his passengers to plunge down the ravine.

The carnage on the roads continues unabated – and I challenge any politician to put a good spin on that.

The further tragedy is, they probably will.

Continuing the spin factor was some government rep who announced that they were to introduce a new 10 year visa for the over 50s. Closer inspection revealed the odd caveat like having to put a hefty wedge into a time deposit and still having to report to immigration every 90 days.

But on closer inspection it looked like the story, that was easily the most viewed of the week on the Thaivisa forum, was the usual brainwave (read aberration) of some clerk somewhere who hadn’t thought it through.

“Hey Somchai! How could we get more money out of the expats, look good and have no work or plan whatsoever?”

“Er, I know….”

Not surprisingly the news was met with a cacophony of lukewarm-ness and the usual pooh-poohing that is the stock in trade of the Thaivisa members. And who could blame them – when is this government going to think things through before making an announcement. Maybe when the Thais stop eating chilies…

Meanwhile, following Lady Kai’s reemergence from clink last week I was expecting to see her up on lese majeste charges this week. No matter, it was interesting to see her half-sister Kamonthat handed a 50 year sentence In Chiang Mai for selling fake royal favors.

What with another woman in Bangkok pretending to be a princess facing a few decades in stir it really doesn’t bode well for Mrs Chicken when the irons next come off.

Another survey caught my philandering fancy this week when it was announced that three quarters of young Thai men have up to three “gigs” each. Only three – come on lads, maybe you need a bit of training to get with the program! I am sure some of the older guys on the Thaivisa could give you a few tips.

Anyway, it wasn’t mentioned how many toy-boys or “friends with benefits” Thai women have. That’s what Rooster really wants to know….oh, and where they hang out.

And so to this week’s Rooster awards. The “Solly So Solly” award for most misplaced apology goes to the stepfather who stepped, or rather stamped on his child’s chest because he was having a bad hair day. The man, for the want of a better word, turned up at the Phitsanulok nick with some incense and a pile of candles to apologize to his mum, dad, grannies, aunties, society, the soi dogs…you name it he wai-ed it.

Except his victims of course. They can just wait for their next beating.

The “What took you so long?” prize goes to the hapless folks in charge of (oxymoron alert) …regulations in Pattaya. Their decisive action has now claimed back part of the ocean from those who would dare to build swimming pools in it. It only took 21 years for them to spot the illegal structure on the beachfront.

Which makes me think of a great business opportunity…open an opticians in the resort. I’d make a killing.

Lastly, the “Darwin award” for services to evolution goes to the armed ATM robber in Suphan who dropped his phone at the scene of the crime. Mind you, despite knowing absolutely everything about the miscreant Plod still took the best part of a week to find him. I imagined the phone battery was dead and no one at the station could find the right charger.

Then lo and behold it got crazier – the denouement of the story surprised even Rooster; the gunman was none other than a cop and an award-winning one at that. You really can’t make this stuff up!

Thailand’s weird and wacky wedding season provided some light relief in quite a serious week. First there was the really quite normal hitching of two twins barely out of Pampers. Apparently the little nippers had been an unrequited item in a previous life and needed to get hitched to save their souls in this one. All quite understandable and above board.

As usual it was just a fine excuse for a good old Thai knees up though with predictable misery in mind some forum posters suggested it was child abuse.

Then we had the tying of the knot in the north-east where we had the Rolls Royce of Roll Reversals, for the groom was a girl and the bride was a man. Who would wear the trousers in the relationship caused much tittering on the national news as the presenters could barely contain themselves with the possible permutations especially as the happy couple declared they wanted children.

Anyway it brought a smile to Rooster’s craggy visage, one that quickly vanished when he thought back to his own wedding…

Finally Pattaya residents were mostly pleased about two developments on the eastern seaboard. Firstly they will soon be able to pay “just” 1,200 baht to risk their life crossing the gulf on a catamaran so they can replace Walking Street with Soi Bintabaht. I’ll pass on that one.

And secondly most were thrilled to discover that the traffic nightmare that is the Pattaya Klang underpass construction, will be finished early next year. And when they are driving their scooters through the technological marvel they will be able to admire a centerpiece sculpture that the authorities said was the most representative image they could think of for Pattaya – dolphins cavorting.

Funny, but I could have come up with a different spin.